I have had this passage of scripture floating around in my head,
A man that has friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24 (KJV)
When you’re married, your spouse should be your best friend. You spend more of your time with them than anyone else, you share a home, meals, activities, children and intimacy with them. I have, however, heard many wives talk about their best friend only to find out that it is NOT their husband. As I thought about the reasons why they would give that coveted spot to someone other than their husband, I realized one such reason might be laid out for us in this passage of scripture. How do those wives treat their husbands, do they show themselves friendly to him? Friendships take work, they rarely just happen. You might meet someone that you are instantly connected to, but to maintain a good friendship you have responsibility in the relationship. Taking time to talk, engaging in activities together, celebrating wins and even walking through the losses together are vital parts of any healthy friendship. Also, knowing their likes and dislikes, their values and encouraging their dreams are also important. Do you do those things with your husband? If you don’t, I encourage you to start today. Show yourself friendly, take responsibility and give your husband this place in your life. the rewards will be great for both of you.
Love and respect is not something new to anyone who studies what the Bible has to say about marriage. Ephesians 5:22-33 is very clear that husbands should love their wives and wives should submit to or respect their husbands. This makes perfect sense in our minds but somehow between our thoughts and our actions and attitudes something gets lost. I have recently been doing a lot of research in what it really means to a husband for his wife to be respectful versus disrespectful. Here is the overwhelmingly consistent fact I find. Guys and Gals just don’t see it them same way. My response to that is that’s fine but how then do we bridge the gap between the sexes?
I have long since realized that we don’t have the ability to change anyone. Although this is a true fact, I see many women who live a life that indicates their concept really is, “My husband is like an old house. Once I get him fixed up he will be just great.” Women have a tendency to be fixers. Of this crowd of ladies I have for many years been the leader of the pack. I have spent the last 10 years working to remove myself from this group. I have worked very hard to move to the group of people who really understand that the only person on the planet that you can really change is yourself. To this end I have been working on changing myself from a disrespectful woman to a wife/woman of great respect. I do give myself some credit for the change I have made but every day I find more ways that need to be changed.
I have recently been reading a blog about respectful wives. I have often read it thinking that the writer of the blog is just plain wrong. In an effort to check my judgement I frequently enlist the assistance of my favorite guy, my husband. Much to my dismay he has yet to say that the things I thought were wrong were indeed wrong. So each time I reread the blog and try to break it down in ways that can be applied to my life. I suspect that I am not the only girl who needs a lot of instruction on what being respectful looks like. That will come. I am starting series of blogs that deal with how we as women can become more respectful.
I have decided to start with my story. I was married for 20 years to one man. That marriage ended in divorce. I really wanted to leave the marriage with the idea that it was all HIS FAULT. However, I must admit that there was plenty of blame to go around. One of the biggest faults I had in that marriage was that I was the QUEEN of Disrespect. That is bad, but what is worse is that I was completely oblivious to this fact. So I would like to go record asking my former husband to forgive me for being so disrespectful to him.
The list of ways I was disrespectful are so numerous there are not enough pages in this blog to contain them all. So just to give you an idea of what I was like, here are few that come to mind as I write:
I once bought a car without even discussing it with him.
I rarely accepted his opinion without countering with my own opinion and then insisted that we do “what I knew was best.”
I frequently undermined his authority with the children.
I told jokes at his expense to other people.
I corrected him in public.
I treated him like a child to many times to count.
I frequently interupted him when he was talking to make my own point.
Unfortunately the list could continue for a very long time. I’m guessing by now you get the idea. My concern however, is that there are many girls out there just like me who failed to see the problem with this behavior or maybe you have an idea that it is wrong but you have many excuses to justify bad behavior like I have listed.
It’s pretty easy to see how the actions I listed above are disrespectful but the problem comes with the less obvious ways of being disrespectful. In future blogs we will look at subtle ways of disrespect and wonderful ways that we can respect and honor our man.
For now just begin to ask yourself, am I disrespectful and am I willing to make some hard choices to change. Finally I would like to remind you of one thing if you do it will make a huge change in your marriage. Guys need a lot more cheers than they do correction. So girls lets pick up or pom poms and show our guys that we are their biggest supporters and not their biggest critics. *\o/* *\o/* *\o/*
I would like to introduce to you a wonderful man, my Dad. Gene Marrow My dad went to be with Jesus on April 16, 2011. While I celebrate the victory of his going to be with Jesus, it still makes me sad sometimes to not have him here with me. However, I mostly choose to enjoy the great things he did and wonderful memories I have of him.
My dad loved his family and he especially loved his grandchildren. I will have to admit that he didn’t always have an uneventful relationship with those he loved. He was sometimes hard, sometimes opinionated, and sometimes wrong (he would rarely admit that part though) but beyond all that He loved us more than we ever knew. One of the best relationships he had was with my daughter, Mariah. Mariah and my dad always enjoyed each other. She seemed never to see anything but the best in Dad. When she was just a little girl, barely able to talk, Dad started teaching her songs. Mostly they were silly songs like Froggy Went A Courting and Shoo Fly Pie but they were her favorite songs. She will still frequently bust out a verse or two when talking about her Papa. But more than anything she loved dancing with her Papa. They danced at every occasion. He loved dancing with her as much as she loved dancing with him. They danced at weddings, parties and in the living room for no reason at all. One day, shortly before my father passed away, they decided to dance in the living room to music on the TV. I just grabbed my iPhone and started capturing the dance. Now as you can imagine this is one of Mariah and I’s treasures. Dancing With Papa. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do.
Mariah is going to be 16 in March and she is planning a huge party to celebrate this life milestone. Recently while talking about it she burst into tears. I couldn’t really understand why talking about her birthday party caused sadness until she said, “I just realized I won’t get to dance with Papa at my party, or my wedding, or anytime again.” It did bring about some sadness and we both felt the loss but we know that because of our faith in Jesus Christ, we will spend eternity dancing with Papa.
So I encourage you, love people, honor your family, enjoy times together, be quicker to grab a camera or make a video of random moments they may just become some of your favorite things.